Anger Management is a bit of a buzz word at the moment.
Anger is a feeling which we need to protect ourselves and
stand up against wrongs, but anger can also lead to serious
problems. If you have reached this page I imagine that you are
in some way unhappy about your own anger or that of someone
you are close to. Anger Management does not mean repressing
all your anger, but rather learning how to deal with it so
that it is helpful to you rather than destructive. Read on to
learn about anger management and discover how to transform
your unhealthy anger.
Anger
is a legitimate feeling with a definite purpose
Anger is
one of the feelings we all have. We need our anger to protect
ourselves. We need our anger to stand up for ourselves and
others when things are wrong. We all need to be able to be in
touch with our anger for this reason. In this way we can see
that Anger Management is not the same as denying our anger, it
is learning to deal with it in a healthy and creative way.
Anger
is not the same as rage
Sometimes
when people speak of anger they seem to be thinking of rage.
These are often the people who believe some feelings are
negative and should be avoided. The sad, very sad fact is that
a great deal of rage is caused by anger which we have
repressed. When we healthily express our anger as it arises,
it disappears when it has done its job and solved the
particular problem it has risen to address. Anger is not
malice or vindictiveness or hate or anything other than a
healthy feeling which we have to communicate that we feel
strongly about something or feel we are being treated in an
unacceptable way.
Please see Rage
for dealing constructively with rage.
Is
alcohol causing problems with expressing our anger?
Some
people have serious problems with anger only when they are
drunk. This can be for one of two reasons, either they are
repressing it when sober or they can deal with it
constructively when sober but when drunk the memories of the
events which have caused the anger return and they decide,
without the guidance of their normal mental faculties, to sort
things out. People who get angry when drunk, like people who
fly into rages when sober have issues which need to be resolved. Sorting
out these issues which can be done through counselling and using the methods on this page can help stop this
pattern. Despite what AA says being angry does not make
a person drink. However having unresolved issues of anger can
result in a person trying to sort them out when drunk. This is
a totally useless way to try to deal with these problems as
being drunk destroys a person's intellect and inner resources
so rather than solving the problem you will almost certainly
discover the problem has only become worse and you have made a
bit of a fool of yourself. Learn how to resolve it soberly,
with grace. If you have a serious problem with alcohol please
see Alcohol
Addiction Help.
Creative Ways of dealing with Anger Management
1. Give
yourself permission to feel your feeling. If you are angry,
you are angry that is all there is too it. You can no more not
be angry when you are, than you can not be hungry when you are
hungry. Anger can be a very strong feeling to feel. Often the
problem with anger comes more from our trying to deny it. It
is not possible to deny any feeling we really feel. It simply
comes back in a distorted form. Denied anger can come back as
resentment, spite or most frequently rage. Try to feel your
feeling. So often when we feel anger we immediately want to
press into action and do something about it. Try simply to
feel the feeling. Accept it! All feelings change when we
accept them - though it may take a little time because we do
need to integrate our feelings. Try to own your anger. There
is a lot of energy in anger. Use that energy. Play an
energetic game, go to the gym, clean the house, get that job
done that you have been putting off for ever.. Accept yourself
and your angry feeling, but also decide to be responsible for
yourself. If you are in a rage, for the time being, do not pay
too much attention to your thoughts. Indeed, while you are in
a rage it is often a good idea to pay no attention to your
thoughts at all. Simply accept how you feel. If you are in a
rage, do not 'act out' your thoughts. Wait until the rage has
settled down and you will find your thoughts settle down too.
The important thing is to recognise that this is your feeling
and you have the right to feel it but not the right to
intentionally hurt other people. (If you have a problem with
your anger that results in your being violent or you suffer
from this from another, please seek emergency help.)
2. Learn Assertion
Training This will give you skills for dealing with people
in such a way that tension is incredibly reduced. Not only
that, it will help you to recognise that you have basic human
rights and if people are not recognising them you will learn
to calmly stop them from treating you badly or manipulating
you.
3. Do you
have a grudge against someone? Sometimes someone can harm us
and it can be hard to forgive. See our Anger
and Forgiveness page
4. There
are plenty of courses available both on and off the web which
can be of help. It is not always necessary to meet the anger
full on. Sometimes by building our inner resources, the need
to feel angry lessens. Here are a few web based courses.
More
Power to You asks you: Who programmed me? How do I re-set
that old program? Am I reacting or responding? Am I creating
solutions or depleting my energy? Be guided towards
self-empowerment and living a purposeful life through this
unique self-help e-mail
course by Self-Healing Expressions.
Do
people and things in your life leave you feeling drained,
invalidated, unappreciated? Enroll in Living
Deliberately ~ Guided by the Wisdom of Thoreau. In
this Self-Healing Expressions email course, author Marianne
Parady taps into wisdom of American philosopher Henry Thoreau
to help guide you to:
Learn to honor yourself and honestly evaluate your
relationships.
Listen to your inner voice as you accept and embrace
the darker aspects of your being, as well as, recognize,
claim and mine the gold within you.
Examine how self-respect can transform the way you
relate to yourself and the world, and the price of
self-sabotage.
Recognize (the most common addiction in our society)
"self-abuse" and your "inner abuser."
Honor your dreams, your vision for your life.
Face the dark side of your dreams such as
disappointment, sadness, anger, and resentment, which often
surround your dreams – your deepest longings.
Identify and manifest your authentic dreams. Finally, simplify your life by eliminating the
"shoulds" and "ought to's" – the things and people that
drain you. And embrace the things and people that empower,
nurture and enliven you -- as you begin to "live
deliberately."
Learn
effective coping behaviors for Anger Management. Learn how
to stop anger from escalating and to resolve conflicts which
arise. This is a workbook course in anger Management with
graduated assignments to allow you to apply your newly
acquired skills. Also available in video and individual
programs. You can find it at Growth
Central. They have workbooks and course on a wide range
of self help topics including Anger Managerment, Anger
Management for Kids and Teens, Self Esteem, Assertiveness
Training.
Aristotle
once said: "Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be
angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right
time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is
not easy." This site is primarily concerned with helping
Parents deal with issues of anger but if you look at their
second link to the Angry
Toolbox, it offers a program of help for all with anger
issues.
4. Is your
anger really anger? An enormous number of people who act angry
are really hurt. Anger can be a way of protecting ourselves
from feeling this pain. It seems easier to just be angry than
to be vulnerable and feel our pain. But the way out is to feel
the real feeling. If you feel this might be you then you might
like to consider Counselling
or have a look at the following sites which offer helpful
creative ways to deal with all feelings. A
Healing Place. and Colour
Therapy -this page leads you to their page on Emotional
Intelligence.
It really
is important when dealing with anger to realise that anger is
a necessary feeling because a lot of our problems with
inappropriate anger comes when we don't believe this and so in
some way fear our anger or believe it is bad. For more
ideas on how to approach anger and frustration visit emotion toolkit and
read their page on anger and frustration. Do this first and if
you are still feeling angry and frustrated and that none of
your questions is being answered visit Psyche Help Here you
will find an on line self help book. Chapter 7 is on anger and
covers just about every question you could have.
