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Anger Management

    - Develop Healthy Feelings

Anger Management is a bit of a buzz word at the moment. Anger is a feeling which we need to protect ourselves and stand up against wrongs, but anger can also lead to serious problems. If you have reached this page I imagine that you are in some way unhappy about your own anger or that of someone you are close to. Anger Management does not mean repressing all your anger, but rather learning how to deal with it so that it is helpful to you rather than destructive. Read on to learn about anger management and discover how to transform your unhealthy anger.

Anger is a legitimate feeling with a definite purpose

Anger is one of the feelings we all have. We need our anger to protect ourselves. We need our anger to stand up for ourselves and others when things are wrong. We all need to be able to be in touch with our anger for this reason. In this way we can see that Anger Management is not the same as denying our anger, it is learning to deal with it in a healthy and creative way.

Anger is not the same as rage

Sometimes when people speak of anger they seem to be thinking of rage. These are often the people who believe some feelings are negative and should be avoided. The sad, very sad fact is that a great deal of rage is caused by anger which we have repressed. When we healthily express our anger as it arises, it disappears when it has done its job and solved the particular problem it has risen to address. Anger is not malice or vindictiveness or hate or anything other than a healthy feeling which we have to communicate that we feel strongly about something or feel we are being treated in an unacceptable way.

Please see Rage for dealing constructively with rage.

Is alcohol causing problems with expressing our anger?

Some people have serious problems with anger only when they are drunk. This can be for one of two reasons, either they are repressing it when sober or they can deal with it constructively when sober but when drunk the memories of the events which have caused the anger return and they decide, without the guidance of their normal mental faculties, to sort things out. People who get angry when drunk, like people who fly into rages when sober have issues which need to be resolved. Sorting out these issues which can be done through counselling and using the methods on this page can help stop this pattern. Despite what AA says being angry does not make a person drink. However having unresolved issues of anger can result in a person trying to sort them out when drunk. This is a totally useless way to try to deal with these problems as being drunk destroys a person's intellect and inner resources so rather than solving the problem you will almost certainly discover the problem has only become worse and you have made a bit of a fool of yourself. Learn how to resolve it soberly, with grace. If you have a serious problem with alcohol please see Alcohol Addiction Help.

Creative Ways of dealing with Anger Management

1. Give yourself permission to feel your feeling. If you are angry, you are angry that is all there is too it. You can no more not be angry when you are, than you can not be hungry when you are hungry. Anger can be a very strong feeling to feel. Often the problem with anger comes more from our trying to deny it. It is not possible to deny any feeling we really feel. It simply comes back in a distorted form. Denied anger can come back as resentment, spite or most frequently rage. Try to feel your feeling. So often when we feel anger we immediately want to press into action and do something about it. Try simply to feel the feeling. Accept it! All feelings change when we accept them - though it may take a little time because we do need to integrate our feelings. Try to own your anger. There is a lot of energy in anger. Use that energy. Play an energetic game, go to the gym, clean the house, get that job done that you have been putting off for ever.. Accept yourself and your angry feeling, but also decide to be responsible for yourself. If you are in a rage, for the time being, do not pay too much attention to your thoughts. Indeed, while you are in a rage it is often a good idea to pay no attention to your thoughts at all. Simply accept how you feel. If you are in a rage, do not 'act out' your thoughts. Wait until the rage has settled down and you will find your thoughts settle down too. The important thing is to recognise that this is your feeling and you have the right to feel it but not the right to intentionally hurt other people. (If you have a problem with your anger that results in your being violent or you suffer from this from another, please seek emergency help.)

2. Learn Assertion Training This will give you skills for dealing with people in such a way that tension is incredibly reduced. Not only that, it will help you to recognise that you have basic human rights and if people are not recognising them you will learn to calmly stop them from treating you badly or manipulating you.

3. Do you have a grudge against someone? Sometimes someone can harm us and it can be hard to forgive. See our Anger and Forgiveness page

4. There are plenty of courses available both on and off the web which can be of help. It is not always necessary to meet the anger full on. Sometimes by building our inner resources, the need to feel angry lessens. Here are a few web based courses.

More Power to You asks you: Who programmed me? How do I re-set that old program? Am I reacting or responding? Am I creating solutions or depleting my energy? Be guided towards self-empowerment and living a purposeful life through this unique self-help e-mail course by Self-Healing Expressions.

Do people and things in your life leave you feeling drained, invalidated, unappreciated? Enroll in Living Deliberately ~ Guided by the Wisdom of Thoreau. In this Self-Healing Expressions email course, author Marianne Parady taps into wisdom of American philosopher Henry Thoreau to help guide you to:

  • Learn to honor yourself and honestly evaluate your relationships.
  • Listen to your inner voice as you accept and embrace the darker aspects of your being, as well as, recognize, claim and mine the gold within you.
  • Examine how self-respect can transform the way you relate to yourself and the world, and the price of self-sabotage.
  • Recognize (the most common addiction in our society) "self-abuse" and your "inner abuser."
  • Honor your dreams, your vision for your life.
  • Face the dark side of your dreams such as disappointment, sadness, anger, and resentment, which often surround your dreams – your deepest longings.
  • Identify and manifest your authentic dreams. Finally, simplify your life by eliminating the "shoulds" and "ought to's" – the things and people that drain you. And embrace the things and people that empower, nurture and enliven you -- as you begin to "live deliberately."

    Learn effective coping behaviors for Anger Management. Learn how to stop anger from escalating and to resolve conflicts which arise. This is a workbook course in anger Management with graduated assignments to allow you to apply your newly acquired skills. Also available in video and individual programs. You can find it at Growth Central. They have workbooks and course on a wide range of self help topics including Anger Managerment, Anger Management for Kids and Teens, Self Esteem, Assertiveness Training.

Aristotle once said: "Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not easy." This site is primarily concerned with helping Parents deal with issues of anger but if you look at their second link to the Angry Toolbox, it offers a program of help for all with anger issues.

4. Is your anger really anger? An enormous number of people who act angry are really hurt. Anger can be a way of protecting ourselves from feeling this pain. It seems easier to just be angry than to be vulnerable and feel our pain. But the way out is to feel the real feeling. If you feel this might be you then you might like to consider Counselling or have a look at the following sites which offer helpful creative ways to deal with all feelings. A Healing Place. and Colour Therapy -this page leads you to their page on Emotional Intelligence.

It really is important when dealing with anger to realise that anger is a necessary feeling because a lot of our problems with inappropriate anger comes when we don't believe this and so in some way fear our anger or believe it is bad. For more ideas on how to approach anger and frustration visit emotion toolkit and read their page on anger and frustration. Do this first and if you are still feeling angry and frustrated and that none of your questions is being answered visit Psyche Help Here you will find an on line self help book. Chapter 7 is on anger and covers just about every question you could have.

See also Feelings and Emotions and Transforming Anger

Self Esteem in a Hostile World  One person's no nonesense system for protecting himself from hostile people and moving out of their influence.

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The material on this page is believed to be correct but no liability is taken if it is not

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