"An eye for an eye will only leave the world blind" Mahatma Gandhi
Forgiveness heals the person who forgives. We cannot
however ever pretend to forgive. Pretence simply does not work with
feelings.
Someone lets us down or acts badly towards us or
someone we love and we are angry, really angry. This is a natural
response. It is not the only possible response but it is an
understandable genuine one for a lot of us. If someone has harmed you
then clearly you feel a need to protect yourself and those you love and
so you feel angry. You then look around to see what you can use your
anger for. Is there something you can do so that the person will put
right the wrong they have done? We all get angry in relationships
regularly because the flux of power is getting unbalanced and our anger
helps us to let the other person know that their behaviour is not
acceptable to us. Normally this is sufficient, the situation is
resolved and the need for forgiveness is out of the way before we even
noticed we had it.
However sometimes things do not work out so
easily. We find ourselves in a situation which we feel powerless to
change and our natural anger cannot find its correct outlet, which
would be resolving the problem and then....natural forgiveness and
letting go. Sometimes the person does not acknowledge that they have
done anything wrong. A Minister once told a friend of mine that it was
impossible to forgive a person unless they acknowledge what they have
done wrong and I believe he is almost right. It is almost impossible to
forgive someone whom you must come in contact with unless the person is
able and willing to acknowledge what they have done wrong. To forgive
them without this would be foolish because they would likely just do
more of the same as soon as they next had the opportunity. If we need
to continue seeing the person then it is important to find a way to
resolve the situation. If you do not you are allowing the other person
to have power over you. If the problem is at work then possibly you can
go to a superior and if it is in a personal relationship and you
believe you must keep the relationship going and you cannot resolve the
problem then I would advise you seek out counselling.
Our anger is there for a reason but it is not comfortable living with
it for too long. A good counsellor will help you look into the problem
and find the resources within yourself to deal with it.
