In the same way we cannot run from our shadow we deal effectively with our rage when we stop and face it.
"Each
problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally
dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people
who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity." (Joseph Sugarman)
Rage is one of the most difficult and most important
emotions to deal
with in a constructive way. When we are experiencing it, the adrenalin
is running through us so strongly that our ability to think straight is
seriously handicapped. In order to deal with it, it is important to get
your mind properly orientated at a point when you are not feeling rage.
It is extremely important to have your ethics correct. Then, and only
then can you constructively deal with rage.
These are the ethics which it is up to us to take full responsibility for.
No human
has the right to take another's life or to harm them in any way, except
when this is necessary for self protection. If it is necessary to fight
to protect yourself then the level of injury that you have the right to
cause another is only that which is necessary for your own physical
survival and no more. This is absolutely core base line and if you
think there is a danger that you might be violent to others or you
already have been violent then you have two choices. The first is to
harm people and take responsibility for the consequences and the second
is to go to your Doctor, emergency department of your local hospital,
police station or phone your local Samaritans or mental health phone
service and explain that you are finding yourself tempted to harm
people and you do not wish to.
For anyone having problems with domestic abuse, this site is well worth a visit Domestic Violence Hotline.
Help here both for the person being abused and for the abuser. Very
full site with plenty of links. (Takes a couple of minutes to load but
well worth the wait.)
Most people
however will find that they do not wish and are not seriously tempted
to physically harm another human being except if absolutely necessary
for their own survival.
Rage is not the same as anger. Please see our Anger Management page for details on this. We all need to be able to be in touch with our anger to protect ourselves and stand up against wrongs.
Rage is an emotion. It is so overwhelming that it makes it very difficult to feel. Please see Feelings and Emotions for a description of the difference between feelings and emotions.
Sometimes
we can feel a rage towards some person or organisation because of a
wrong or injustice that has been done to us. Please see our Anger and Forgiveness page.
A person
who is experiencing rage has been at some time seriously harmed. This
is completely obvious. When you are in rage, you are in your fight mode
of fight or flight and there would be no reason for you to be in that
mode if you had not at sometime felt in serious danger of either
physical or psychological harm. The problem is, as with all extreme
emotions, that the original trauma may be well in your past and have
very little to do with the situation which at present appears to be
causing the rage. That is, although it is possible that a present
situation may be the genuine reason for rage it is equally possible
that the present situation is triggering something which happened in
the past. It is for you to decide whether you wish to work with a
theraphist or counsellor on this.
Whether you
decide counselling is the course you wish to take or not, having
accepted that we have no right to harm another human being, the second
thing which must be done in order to deal with rage in a constructive
manner is to take responsibility for it. Regardless of what may have
happened to you in the past and regardless of what may be happening to
you in the present, you are the person temporarily disabled by rage.
Given that, you are the only person who can change it. It may be that
at some time in the past you were so helpless that there was nothing
you could do about the situation, but now you do have the possibility
to change the situation, so do not play the victim, take responsibility
for yourself and you can, with support if necessary, move through this
and come out a stronger, more integrated and loving human being.
Don't deny what you are experiencing or believe there is something bad
about it. You are experiencing rage for a reason. Some people find
pummelling pillows helps. It can also be very helpful to write out
exactly what you think and feel in a totally uncensored form. This
relieves all the pent up feelings and when it is over, you may find you
have found what in your life you need to change or the situation you
need to deal with and having written out all your thoughts and
feelings, you are now in a stronger and more self contained manner to
deal with them. If you have rage, there is a reason for you having rage
and you can accept and work through that without harming anyone else
either physically or emotionally....and if you do find that you have a
go at someone because you are in a really bad mood or a rage, a lot can
be resolved by simply saying you are sorry..and the next time before you let rip into them, tell them that you are in a dreadful mood and it has nothing to do with them.
You may be surprised at how supportive people can be if you say things
as they are in this way, and you will also be validating your right to
be who you are. You will be taking a step closer to dealing with your
rage, rather than have it dealing with you.
If you know
that you sometimes explode into rage, prepare yourself in advance. Make
your decisions on not harming other people regardless of how you feel
at the time. And, please accept yourself. Be your own best friend. Rage
is arising is you, it is a emotion. It is not who you are but it is
what you are experiencing and in order to change anything about
yourself, it is necessary to accept yourself as you are now. Be kind to
yourself. For some reason you are experiencing this very difficult
emotion. Develop a part of yourself which can be kind to you as you
work through this. A lot of rage comes when people have not been
allowed to express their healthy anger. Let people who are close to you
know that they are not responsible for your rage and that you have no
intention of hurting them. (if you believe the people around you are
the reason for your rage I would recommend seeking out some counselling
to resolve the problem and possibly considering moving away from them,
even if just in the short term, till you work things out)
When you
own and take responsibility for your rage and know you are not going to
harm anyone, rage is changed. Yes, it is an extreme feeling but make
the decision not to harm anyone under any circumstance and work on Anger Management,
and even if you always remain a bit highly strung, because you are not
harming people, they will accept you and you will find, with practice,
that you will be able to move through your rage more quickly and with
less tension.
As an antidote to rage, I would need to say meditation
cannot be beaten. It can help you get you in touch with your inner
feeling self and your own inner resources and when you are in touch
with them, you can learn to healthily express your anger when it is
necessary, and hopefully avoid situations which will result in your
getting into a fury. Meditation can quieten your mind so that you can
deal with the present situation in a way that is appropriate. Yoga can
likewise be of help. By getting physically and emotionally in touch
with your inner self, you become more grounded. When you are more
grounded, you have more resources to help you when the going gets
tough. The important thing is to build up resources within yourself to
help resolve the issues that cause your rage and cushion yourself when
you feel the rage mounting. All the sections on this site help people
to be in contact with their inner feeling self, and that is where you
will find your own strength and resources. Your rage, though
uncomfortable now, is not any kind of character defect, but an
opportunity to grow!
Is it possible your rage is 'pain in disguise'? Again see Anger Management for more details on this.
